Assignment:
Compare or contrast two people you know: two teachers, two friends,
two siblings, and so forth.
My Brother and I
On the surface, my brother and me are opposites. I'm an eighteen-year-old female in college. He is a thirteen-year -old male in elementary school. Some people think we are different because of the five years that separate us. Most people think of him as not being normal since he is a quadriplegic. On the inside we are identical.
The biggest thing we have in common is the ability to receive rewards for things we accomplished. I received many rewards for sports, achievements in school and volunteering my time. All of these awards were self-awarding in them selves. My brother also received rewards for school and the courage to overcome impossible odds. He did not conquer his disability but learned to deal with everyday obstacle. These awards took time and effort for us to accomplished them.
We are alike in many ways. We both like to go shopping. Every time we go shopping, we spend more money than we have. We tend to buy things we don't need. Shopping to both of us is a way to escape reality.
When I was his age I was on a bowling team. We mostly played for fun, and it was a time to hang with friends. Even though he has a disability, he is also on a bowling team. His team is with other handicap teenagers that play for fun. Unable to move his arms, he is able to drive his wheelchair into a ramp that releases the ball into the pins.
As I grew up, I enjoyed playing softball. I played for seven years. I was on a team that was just for fun. The competition was within myself. When my brother was nine, he joined a non-competitive team that was for handicap children. They played an equal game for each player. All players got a chance to bat and field.
We communicate with special codes. Other than spoken communication, we use eye contact, head movements and Morse code. When using eye contact, we can stress what we want to happen and if we want something. Our head movement is our way of dancing. We have a great time listening to music and shaking our heads. Two summers ago, we both learned Morse code. My brother uses Morse code to be able to write e-mail to me. I helped him learn it, but learningit with him. Most people think that we don't make sense but we understand each other more than most people do.
Watching television together is a past time we share together. I enjoy watching soap opera's such as 90210, while my brother enjoys watching wrestling. We both appreciate each other watching what the other person likes.
My brother and I have many things in common. Even though we are not that different for the most cases we know we have a special bond. I know that most siblings don't get along but we are alike that we look past the brother sister relationship and turn it into a friendship.
This topic has a lot of potential, but the student hasn't quite thought it through. Some of the material, though interesting, is not useful for a comparison/contrast paper. For example, since most people like to watch some television and shop, those aren't revealing comparisons. It would have been better to focus more on internals--as the discussion of eye contact starts to do.
Not to be picky, but let's look at the mechanical details a little. In the first place, the title should be "My Brother and Me" because "me" is used objectively. If you don't understand that, click to the "Grammar Review Materials" under English 0150. Secondly, "identical" is the wrong word in the first paragraph. No two people are identical. The writer means "more similar than most people realize." It may seem a small point, but taking the trouble to get the right phrase makes a big difference in how well the reader reacts to a paper. Again, not to seem excessively picky, but in the second paragraph, the writer says: "The biggest thing we have in common is the ability to receive rewards." That is not phrased correctly. "Winning" awards takes ability; "receiving" awards doesn't. Anyone can hold out a paw and receive an award. It takes talent to win one. Also, I'm not sure what the student means by "the awards were self awarding them selves." Were they really awards? Not to be a perfectionist, but "themselves" is one word. Also note the occasional dropped "s" and "d" at the end of words. That's a proofreading problem. Again, imprecise phrasing causes the reader to lose confidence in what you have to say. Furthermore, if these awards are important enough to mention, the writer needs to be more specific about what they were. This paper is typical of many that I read. It has potential but is insufficiently revised and proofread. Remember, the tougher you can be on your own papers when revising and editing them, the less tough the reader will be.Goto next sample("Mr. Brandt and Mr. Kaminski")
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