Assignment:
Using narrative elements, write about an event that did not go as you expected.
Make sure the reader understands the significance of this event.
My Last Date
I couldn’t believe it. Here I was going to the movies with Bryan Johnson. The same Bryan Johnson I’d had a crush on in the seventh grade; the same Bryan Johnson who intimidated me like no one I’d ever met before; the same Bryan Johnson I’d been unable to get out of my mind for the last two months.
"Do you want to listen to something?" he asked as we drove down the Interstate.
I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I hadn’t realized the CD had ended.
"Yea, sure."
"How about Counting Crows?" he suggested.
I shook my head. "Bad memories attached to that album," I said, thinking of my ex-boyfriend.
He smiled, "We’ll attach some good ones to it."
He was always smooth with the lines.
And he was soooo good looking. His face was striking the first time you saw it and kept getting better. I knew that he liked me, and I knew this was a date. We had pretended it was just two friends hanging out, but it wasn’t. He had come all the way from State College to see me. That’s a long trip for a movie with a friend.
He looked at me. Fortunately, it was dark enough that he couldn’t see me blushing.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, hoping I’m sure, to hear more than I was willing to say.
"Oh, this and that." I said trying not to sound nervous.
He smiled.
"My friend has a cabin not too far from here, and he gave me the key. Let’s skip the movie and spend the night at the cabin."
My heart jumped. To be honest I had fantasized about something like this. My parents were out of town for the weekend, so the opportunity was perfect. But I didn’t expect such a direct invitation.
"I dunno," I said weakly.
That was (by the way) the dumbest thing I ever said, but I was scared.
"Why not?" he replied easily.
"Let’s go to the movie," I said after a moment.
He looked at me across the darkness.
"OK," he said.
He took me home right after, and I haven’t seen him since. I ought to feel good about that night, but I don’t. My parents would have been proud of me, but loneliness is a bad thing, and there are a lot of nights when I think about Bryan’s face in the darkness, and I’d give a lot to have that chance over again.
First, it has good focus. Short narrative papers should focus on a moment in time, not something that developed over days or weeks.
Second, the paper has great conflict. The heart of narrative is conflict. "Should I or shouldn't I?" "Can I or Can't I?" "Will I or won't I?" Those are good questions to have at the center of a narrative paper.
Third, This paper has a clear central impression. We not only know what happened, but we know how the writer feels about what happens.
Fourth, the writer uses dialogue well. Little snippets of dialogue often work well in narrative papers. Such passages bring the reader closer to the action.
Fifth, the mechanics are good.
Go to next sample ("The Confession of a Killer")
Go to "Jill's Death"